The Sacredness of Female Sexuality
For many young men, sex is about getting their penis into a vagina. It is the most amazing feeling they have ever experienced. It is natural to think, therefore, that if it is so intensely pleasurable for them, it must be so for the woman as well. We loved each other, we were having sex, I was fulfilled, and I assumed she was too. But although many women will not tell their lovers this, most are not fully satisfied with their sex life with their partner.
Why don’t women tell this to their men? Because most men would not be receptive to hear it. Because women are raised not to feel that their own sexual pleasure is important. Because many women still have some degree of shame about their sexuality. Because a woman knows that it would probably hurt the pride of her man to tell him that he’s not pleasing her sexually. A woman is very giving and naturally oriented around making a relationship work with the man she loves. Most women will sacrifice their own pleasure for this purpose and never tell their men. The only answer for a man who really cares about pleasing his lover is to learn more about what women need sexually, how to open up better communication, and how to be a better lover. We study about so many things in life. Isn’t it worth it to add this to our knowledge?
The fact is that a woman’s sexual potential is one of the most amazing things in the human experience. It is unique and far different and more powerful than a man’s.
The question is this- are you as a man interested in bringing your woman to the sexual heights that she is capable of? Is this important to you-not for what you’re going to get out of it but for her benefit?
In monogamous, heterosexual relationships, men are often calling the shots about what women experience sexually. (Revealing the author as male gender)- We have been too long trying to understand women’s sexuality from a man’s point of view. The result is that women are missing out in a huge way. And of course we miss out too. Our relationships fail, our families fall apart, and we miss the profound, growth and ecstasy that we can experience if we fully empower our women sexually.
A woman’s sexuality can never be understood from the point of view of male sexuality. If you’re a man who really cares about the woman in your life, don’t you want to learn more about the power of female sexuality and how you can support hers fully?
Women are very different than men sexually. From my understanding now much later in my life, I see a woman’s sexuality as a magical thing. For thousands of years women’s sexuality was considered holy. It wasn’t until fairly recent times in the course of human history, that there was an attempt to shame it and limit it. I consider women’s sexuality to be sacred. Of course not every woman has developed herself spiritually and sexually to the point where she fully embodies that. But the potential for that is in every woman.
Within a woman’s sexuality is the potential for spiritual realization.
When a woman is fully sexually awakened, she experiences her sexuality in all of her body. Therefore it involves all of her chakras – and the total potential of her spirituality is present.
A woman’s sexual experience is very connected with her emotions. In other words for her, there is tremendous potential for emotional healing and growth (and also for wounding) through her sexuality.
The ultimate sexual experience for a woman involves love. Sexual energy is the power of creation. To link one’s creative energy – one’s ability to manifest with love is the highest spiritual path. It is much more difficult for women to disassociate their sexuality from their emotions then men. This to me is actually a sign of emotional and spiritual wholeness.
Some men think that to separate their emotions from their sexuality is a sign of maturity, but I think the opposite. We are supposed to link our creative sexual energy with love and our emotions. That way our creative power will be used to support our world – not destroy it. Disassociating our emotions and our love from our sexuality is not healthy. It means that we will use our power of creation without our hearts being involved. Ultimately, that attitude will bring us to a point where we destroy the very environment we live in. And this is in fact happening. It began at a time long long ago when our culture began to dishonor the Sacred Feminine and minimize her sexuality. I’m not saying that we should go back to the female oriented society such as it existed thousands of years ago. But, I am saying that honoring the feminine and female sexuality must play a key role in healing our world.
When you don’t care about your woman’s sexual empowerment, you’re missing out on a huge opportunity to awaken joy and pleasure for her – and by doing so, experience tremendous satisfaction within yourself as a man. By doing that you can bring your relationship to a much deeper level. When you bring forth the energy of the empowered feminine in your beloved you are loving and supporting the feminine in nature and helping heal our world. It is through love that we will heal our world, and this starts with your relationship.
Women are expressions of the Goddess (the Divine Feminine energy that exists in all of creation). When their souls come into female form, every woman has a connection with the Divine Feminine as her birth right. Within her are the Goddess’s attributes – of creation compassion and love. She is an expression of nature, because nature is within her. This is in the ebb and flow of her moon cycle. By loving and honoring the feminine, we heal our relationship with nature and bring these beautiful qualities into the world. This is especially true for a woman’s sexual energy.
The highest expression of male energy, is to serve. It is to make the world a better place, and to protect and empower according to the highest good of all. It is a man’s natural instinct to want to serve and protect the woman he loves. When we men lose interest in the sexual pleasure of our beloved, then we lose touch with a very important part of our masculine nature. When we truly empower women sexually, we are reclaiming a part of our masculine self. To play the role of bringing ecstasy to our beloved is an incredibly satisfying experience for a man.

How to sexually empower a woman:
To really be there for a woman is a deeply spiritual process. It will make you grow, and find new dimensions and depths within yourself. To really pleasure a woman, you must understand that her sexuality is very different than your own as a man. And every woman is different- what one woman finds pleasurable, another may not. So you must listen to her if you really want to learn what satisfies her.
By listening, I don’t just mean with your ears, but with all your senses. Observe her expressions and her moods and all the ways she reveals what she is feeling.
To do this you will need to connect deeply with your own masculine energy and your center and ground yourself with the earth. A woman wants a man who is solid and not swung by her every mood. Yet she also wants to be listened to and witnessed.
There is a difference between being caught up in another’s moods and being there for her from your own sense of wholeness. You can support a woman by being solid in your own male energy and from that foundation being there for her. So being present for a woman does not mean that your giving up your male identity- in fact it means connecting with your masculine strength and from that place being an active and compassionate partner.
Women respond more to the qualities of a man’s sexual sharing then to technique alone. Four qualities of being a better lover:
I will list some qualities that you can cultivate that will call forth from your woman her sexual empowerment. These qualities are within you already. You merely need to bring them out. By doing so you will grow as a man.
*Patience- Men have this wonderful quality, being able to stay with something worthwhile and see it through. The rewards for this can be very great. A woman’s sexuality opens slowly and gradually over time. Yes some women, although they are small minority, are quick to respond sexually. But even those women will go to much greater sexual heights if you take your time and are patient. If you don’t act with patience, you’ll never know what sexual levels of arousal she could’ve experienced and perhaps she may never know either.
Women take much longer than men to fully feel their sexual energy. This is because, a woman’s sexual power is far greater than a man’s and it involves all of her body and emotions as well, not just her genitals. Most men feel satisfied that they are aroused when they have an erection. But for a woman full arousal means feeling sexually awakened from head to toe. Her sexual power opens her emotionally and spiritually. It takes time for the nervous system to make that shift. It also takes a sense of safety. If a woman doesn’t feel safe emotionally, then she can’t open fully sexually. Do you see why this is? Her sexuality is connected with all of her emotions- and so her emotions must be supported by love and safety. So to help a woman to open fully sexually, one needs to be willing to spend time, hours giving her pleasure and being emotionally present.
*Presence- You are with her. You’re looking lovingly into her eyes. You’re not thinking of the past or the future or anything but her- that’s what she wants- that’s the kind of presence she needs from you sexually. No goals. Just accepting what is in the moment, whether it’s her tears, her laughter whether she’s in ecstasy or some emotional hurt has come up to be listened to. It takes presence to support her sexuality fully.
Drop orgasm as a destination. It will happen in its own perfect time without your having to move towards it. When you entirely let go of seeking it, and just focus on intimacy, orgasm will be much more powerful when it arrives. You have to learn to be present, accepting the beauty of the moment, no matter what that moment brings.
A woman’s sexuality is a dance, it is like art. It is one of the most beautiful experiences of life. It’s not a race to see how fast you can get to the finish line. Its fulfillment is not about achieving a goal. When you slow down and learn to be present with a woman, that’s when her sexual power awakens.
We men are very goal oriented creatures. We have to entirely drop that attitude if we want to please our women fully. Orgasm cannot be a goal. Men often say things like “how can I make you come faster?” Or “have you had an orgasm yet?” You know what I’m talking about. This kind of attitude really shuts a woman down, because her sexuality is not just an experience leading to climax like it is for most men.
Gentleness- A woman is far more sensitive than a man. She has a much more awakened sense of touch and she is much more aware of the nuance of all her feelings and emotions. Her clitoris is much more sensitive than any part of the male anatomy and in general women’s sensory perceptions are much more sensitive than a man’s. Because of this, and because of her heightened (relative to a man’s) emotional awareness, be sure you touch, her with profound gentleness and with caring. You should only touch her genitals after she invites you to, after you connect with real love and caring, and caress her all over her body. She craves to feel your presence through your touch. She is aware of the subtlest emotions that you share with her- so let love come through you as you touch her. Of course she likes to feel your strength and firmness too when it’s appropriate, but always come back to gentleness as you touch her. For some women direct touch to the clitoris is too much- it’s too sensitive. That’s why it lies partially hidden between protective folds of skin. In one moment it may invite gentle caresses, and in the next it may retreat behind the skin around it if stimulated too much. Or if overstimulated, it may actually feel unpleasant, and her sexuality may shut down. Every woman is different, and even the same woman responds differently from moment to moment. So you have to learn to read her signals as to what is right for her right now and you can’t just follow a technique or script. Watch her facial expressions and her body language. It really helps if she’s willing to tell you what feels good and direct you- but not every woman is comfortable doing that. Unfortunately that is not how most women are raised in a world that is not nearly supportive enough to their sexuality. A woman is aroused by gently caressing her whole body- not just her genitals. Ask her if she’s willing to tell you what feels good to her and where she likes to be touched. Her experience of sensuality is a total body experience. This is different from most men, whose sensuality is primarily focused in their genitals. Touching the yoni (footnote- yoni is the Sanskrit word for vagina- it means literally “source” or “origin” or “the creation power of nature.”)- Almost every woman’s yoni has felt violated sometimes. It can feel violated when it is entered when she’s not fully aroused and ready. It is violated when it’s entered without love and caring and consideration. Sometimes women are so used to feeling violated that they don’t even tell you when it’s happening. Because this happens so often, they may have so lost touch with healthy sexuality that are not even aware that they’re feeling used. As a man who really cares about a woman’s sexuality you can help her heal.
Touch her yoni with love and gentleness. Caress it ever so slowly and show it tenderness and respect. Don’t enter the yoni either with a finger or your lingam without asking. You can ask verbally or with your eyes – but make sure she wants you inside her before entering. The more loved and safe she feels with you, the more she will respond to you sexually. Conversely, the more unsafe she feels with you, the more she will shut down.
By shutting her down sexually, by being inattentive or distracted or unskillful, you are actually training her body, to associate you with being turned off!
The time may come when she will feel shut down whenever she is with you. She may come to believe that the only way she can reclaim her sexuality is by being with another man. Many relationships end because of this. Do you want your woman to dry up at the sight of you, or get wet? The choice is yours- it all depends on how you treat her!
Her clitoris should be touched with extreme gentleness and the most subtle nuance. If it is too sensitive to be touched directly, you can touch it indirectly by caressing the labia that surrounds it. If the yoni is wet, you can gently get some of its juice on your fingers and use that as lubricant when you touch around the clitoris and labia. If not, use some lubrication made for that purpose, or better yet some of the fresh viscous fluid of an aloe vera plant.
Love the yoni by caressing the clitoris, labia and opening gently and taking lots of time. Take hours just caressing and loving your beloved’s yoni with your fingers and my tongue. The ecstasy she feels and the adoration she expresses to will be your rich rewards.
Eventually the yoni will open for you and invite you inside to be caressed ever so lovingly on its inside surfaces. Be very gentle, and let your partner teach you what feels good for her- every woman is different in that regard. Pay special attention to the front of the yoni behind the pubic bone and in about two inches. When she is aroused, there are areas on the inside surface in that area that become erect and feel like tiny ridges. This is the so-called “G spot” or what’s called the “sacred spot” in Tantra. This is one of the most sensitive areas within the vagina. But the whole inside of the yoni should be caressed. All of it has the potential for great erotic pleasure, and contain powerful reflexology points for healing and energizing her whole body.
Afterwards she will feel wonderful and her whole body will seem to glow. And talk about stress relief! The stress in her body disappears and is replaced by ease and grace and pleasure.
If any areas are painful or sensitive be very aware of that. The inside of the vagina can hold memories or trauma from past violations either emotional or physical.*(footnote- somatic memory- the tissue can store memories of past violation and trauma.) Gently inviting her awareness to those areas with your touch and witnessing whatever feelings that come up will help her to heal them.
While you use one hand to bring love into her yoni, you can place the other gently on her heart or any other part of her body. By doing this you are helping her connect the powerful healing energy of her sexuality with all of her body and the feelings that lie hidden there. Her sexual energy carries healing power – physically, emotionally and spiritually.
*Selfless giving- When was the last time that you touched your lover expecting nothing in return? When was the last time that you spent hours pleasuring her letting her guide you in helping her to experience deeper and deeper ecstasy?
Women give and give. Sometimes they need to receive. To do this, you need to forget about yourself and give to her without expecting anything in return.
Let go of your own agendas, of your own needs, your own expectations for a few hours and just be there for your beloved. By giving selflessly, you are supporting your own spiritual growth and her sexual awakening. Most women have never experienced this. They’ve never experienced a man just being there for them wanting nothing in return. It is a beautiful thing that you can give to her as her partner. This can be so healing and empowering for a woman. And of course the healing will benefit you when she wants to give back- but you can’t do it for that reason- or it’s not selfless is it?
By satisfying the deep needs of a woman, men can grow spiritually and become more empowered. This is part of the Divine design for relationship.
What happens when we cultivate these four qualities- of patience, presence, gentleness and selfless love when we love and pleasure our partners? We grow spiritually, and wake up to our higher expression as men. Women are designed so that learning to satisfy their needs helps us to do this. By becoming better lovers and truly honoring the feminine, we can bring healing to our relationships, our society and our planet.